apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Randomize
