I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Randomize
