so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
whose parrot is this?
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
Randomize
