those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Randomize
