I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
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