I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
people are starting to question the shark bite story
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Randomize
