where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Randomize