i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
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