just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
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