Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
