Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
We just shotgunned beers for America
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
Randomize