One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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