I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize