You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
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