What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
She told me I should be a condom model.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
