to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize
