I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
