While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Randomize
