U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Randomize