he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
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