I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
Randomize
