But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Randomize
