The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
Randomize
