All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
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