Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
Randomize