I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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