O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Randomize
