Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
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