Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
Randomize
