Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
