You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
I FOUND THE LEGS
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
