Jerry, you need to find god
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
