Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
Randomize
