it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
Randomize
