Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
Everclear isn't food dammit
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
Randomize
