It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
Randomize
