i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
Randomize
