I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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