She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
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