Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize
