Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
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