He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Randomize
