...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
and eventually we just all took our pants off
Randomize