It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
