if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
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