After last night, I could never be a politician.
fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Randomize
