You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
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