There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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