its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize