I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
Randomize