he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
God gave him joint rollers for hands
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
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