OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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