I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
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