I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
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