Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
Randomize
