Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
Randomize
