piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
i barfeds in our rink
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
Randomize