hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
So much rum. So many feels.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
Randomize
