It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
I think weed is turning my hair brown
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
