i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
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