Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
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