Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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