dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
I'm having to shit out rocks
Randomize
