I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
