I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Randomize
