guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
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