she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
