shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Randomize
