Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
Randomize
