What did I eat last night that was bloody?
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
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