Non-Jews are for practice
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
Randomize
