If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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