I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
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