Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
Randomize
